Taibi Kahler, an American psychologist and colleague of Eric Berne, the founder of Transactional Analysis. Kahler observed hundreds of people in stressful situations and identified repetitive, almost reflexive reactions. He called them ‘drivers’: internalised commands from childhood, intended to secure recognition, affection or security.

Whether in our professional or personal lives, these internal imperatives automatically guide our behaviour. They are neither good nor bad in themselves, but when they become rigid, they can lead to stress, over-adaptation or burnout. Identifying them helps us to better understand what drives us to act… sometimes against our own best interests.

Powerful tools for understanding our behaviour

1. ‘Be perfect’

This driver pushes us to strive for excellence, avoid mistakes and anticipate everything. People with this driver are reliable and meticulous, but may burn themselves out trying to control everything or delay decisions for fear of imperfection.

Strength: precision

Risk: paralysing perfectionism

2. “Be strong”

The imperative here is not to show one’s emotions, to hold firm, and not to ask for help. These people are perceived as resilient, but may isolate themselves and let pressure build up.

Strength: resilience

Risk: silent emotional overload

3. “Please Others”

The driver for those who want to maintain harmony and avoid conflict. They say yes too readily, anticipate others’ needs, but struggle to set boundaries.

Strength: empathy

Risk: over-adaptation, neglecting one’s own needs

4. “Hurry up”

This driver pushes people to move quickly and make the most of every minute. These people are efficient and dynamic, but can create unnecessary urgency and live under constant pressure.

Strength: speed

Risk: chronic stress

5. “Try hard”

Here, everything must be difficult to be worthwhile. These people persevere, but may complicate matters or never savour their successes.

Strength: perseverance

Risk: fatigue, dissatisfaction

We have several drives within us

We often have several drivers, a bit like little inner voices that coexist. But they don’t all come into play with the same intensity:

• Depending on the context, some take the upper hand: at work, ‘Be perfect’ might kick in; with family, it might be ‘Please others’.
• Depending on different moments in life: when we’re overwhelmed with work, “Hurry up” might dominate; during a transition, “Be strong” might take hold.
• Depending on relationships, a driver may be triggered more easily: when faced with an authority figure, “Try harder” may surface; when with a loved one, “Please others” takes over; when dealing with a demanding client, it is sometimes “Be perfect” that kicks in.

 Understanding our internal drivers to better adjust our behaviours

Because they act as filters, identifying our own drivers enables us to pinpoint our automatic behaviours, understand our areas of stress and rediscover our sense of inner freedom. It is an essential tool for getting to know ourselves better… and adapting more effectively.

These drivers are valuable in both our professional and personal lives: setting boundaries, choosing priorities, adjusting how we communicate… It is not a question of freeing ourselves from them entirely, but rather of learning to live with them, to make them more flexible, and to put them in their rightful place. Moreover, they are not merely obstacles. Acting quickly, persevering, wanting to do well… these are also strengths when used with discernment.

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How about you? Would you like to identify your drivers and understand how they shape your reactions on a day-to-day basis? This is your chance to discuss the topic and take the test!